This is the eighth post in my blog series about recharging and resetting your life, what I call retreating.<\/p>\n
I had suffered from deep depression before, but that was back home\u2014an ocean and a continent away. It wasn\u2019t unusual for people to suffer emotional turmoil at this retreat, especially when dozens of us strangers had come together to live cheek by jowl for six months to deeply explore our spiritual nature. In hindsight, the internal garbage rising in me was a sign of healing. Part of what helped me walk through it was the thought that this experience of living in Scotland was supposed to be the opportunity of a lifetime. I hadn\u2019t come 4,300 miles to be miserable! I forced myself out of bed and began the slow journey to a better me.<\/p>\n
A hallmark of retreat websites are serene photos of nature and lovely indoor spaces coupled with descriptions of how their program will transform you into peaceful wholeness. Not that this is BS, but sometimes the road of your inner journey is paved with jagged rocks and thorns, maybe even some snake pits, that lead to high cliffs where your forced to jump or turn around and endure the rocks, thorns, and snake pits again. Retreat websites don\u2019t tell you that because it would be a poor marketing strategy. Instead, they focus on what they hope the result of your experience will be. But I can\u2019t write about how fantastic retreating is, and encourage you to regularly do so, without also being honest: sometimes retreating can suck.<\/p>\n
Retreating removes you from your normal routine and environment. That is the point. Being away from everyday distractions forces you to focus on yourself, to listen to what\u2019s going on inside and learn from it. The problem is, we can become agitated, annoyed, or emotionally fragile while retreating. Not always, but it does happen and depends on many factors. You can also experience pure joy while retreating. Great! But if your intention involves personal growth, at some point you\u2019ll have to walk the thorny, rocky, snake-pitty road to the cliff edge and jump. Sometimes that happens at the retreat and sometimes after you get home. Personal hazards and cliff heights will differ among people, but unless you are an avatar, you will have them.<\/p>\n
The good news is if you\u2019re willing to do the walk\u2014and the work\u2014you\u2019ll achieve benefits you never knew existed.<\/p>\n
Retreats should come with a warning label: Individual experiences may vary<\/strong>. If Rahim makes meditating seem easy (news flash: it\u2019s not), and Kathy seems to be in a perpetual state of bliss, and you\u2019re frustrated because you can\u2019t quiet your mind during meditation or feel the emotional high of others, you might be asking What\u2019s wrong with me?<\/em> Nothing, unless you consider being human your problem. You don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on inside the heads of others. They might appear<\/em> to be swimming along, but they could be internally drowning in difficulty. So don\u2019t get your knickers in a knot about what others are experiencing. Focus on yourself and don\u2019t judge what arises<\/em>\u2014for yourself or others. Just observe what is happening with you, take some notes, and process as needed.<\/p>\n One of the hardest things about personal growth is that it forces us to face our \u201cugly,\u201d which our ego finds intolerable. The ego\u2019s job is to protect us, which is fine. But it isn\u2019t very good at boundaries. It thinks everything and everyone is out to get us or make us look bad. Ego lives in the realm of comparison. It\u2014falsely\u2014thinks we\u2019re worthy only if we\u2019re \u201cperfect\u201d or at least as good as the \u201cbest\u201d person, if not better. While retreating, some of your less flattering characteristics could come to your attention. Tell your ego to chillax while you get down to the business of observing what comes up. You\u2019re no less worthy or a failure or a bad person because you have some \u201cuglies.\u201d Now, what are you going to do about it?<\/p>\n If you experience intense emotional issues while retreating, and you feel comfortable sharing, speak with the facilitator. Typically (but unfortunately not always), facilitators are trained at handling such situations. If you don\u2019t feel comfortable sharing, or the facilitator is unable to offer comfort, journal about it. In fact, journaling is amazingly cathartic regardless whether you share with others. Connecting and sharing with a fellow retreater can also be comforting.<\/p>\n In lending an ear or shoulder to many co-retreaters over the years, I\u2019ve found that listening without judgement and without offering advice or how to \u201cfix\u201d something is all they need in that moment. If you notice a fellow retreater struggling, and you feel comfortable, reach out. You never know, you might make a friend for life. Strong bonds are often formed when two people share a similar experience.<\/p>\n Wherever two or more are gathered, there\u2019s bound to be drama. Retreating, which often can lay bare emotional issues, increases the possibility. You could encounter personality conflicts and form close friendships; discover unwanted familial habits and your better angels; have a romantic fling or find the love of your life; drown in upset and uncover the beautiful soul that you are. Any or all of these can be yours from retreating! Or not. You get out of it what you put in, so if you go with an open mind and a willingness to be moved in some way, your experience can only be better.<\/p>\n Remember, retreating has purpose. When we take breaks from our lives to recharge and reset, we can expect small changes or big changes, incremental ones or massive ones, immediately or over time. So although individual experiences will vary, for best results, let whatever happens happen. Avoid judgment. Accept with grace. Learn who you really are (hint: it starts with \u201cL\u201d and ends with \u201co\u201d \u201cv\u201d \u201ce\u201d), and be grateful that you took the time for self-care.<\/p>\n So what happened to me on that retreat in Scotland? I suffered the lowest of lows and the highest of highs during what turned out to be a two-year stay. It was one of the hardest things I suffered through in many ways and the best thing that happened to me. It changed the entire course of my life for the good. You can read all about it in my memoir<\/a>.<\/p>\n For links to retreats and other resources, visit my Resources<\/a> page.<\/p>\n Happy journeying!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Hang in there<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Be open to transformation<\/strong><\/h3>\n